Hospital Passes a Surprise Exam!

My local hospital just passed a secret surprise exam. “Secret” because they did not know they were being tested. “Surprise” because you never know when you or a family member will be in the hospital. You see, I have had bad experiences with this hospital in the past. My body mocked by technicians performing a diagnostic test. My person denied treatment by more than one physician. But still, whenever I have a new interaction with this institution, I say, I will give them another chance to show that their staff has learned to act professionally and humanely towards gender variant persons.

It all started a couple of weeks ago when my spouse was admitted to the emergency room. She ended up being admitted for a week. The staff had many opportunities to fail. Would I be hassled by security at the emergency department metal detector because they are not able to identify my gender? Would staff members revert to calling me her husband? Would I be denied admission because I am her wife? Would they, in short, make this about me when she is the one lying there ill?

I visited my spouse morning and night. The biggest challenge was early in the morning, when I stopped at the hospital before work each day. Only one door to the hospital is open at that hour. An older gentlemen is the security guard. I said, I am here to see my spouse in room such and such. He looked me up and down a second, then rang up the floor and said, there is a spouse for room such and such. Then I was in. No hassle. No papers. Each day was the same, with several different guards. Some days, I was the wife for room such and such. Still no hassle from the guard.

Two things are going on here. One is progress on the part of the hospital and its staff. I should not be so surprised, as many parts of our culture have progressed. But I am surprised, first because of my poor experiences with this institution in the past, and second because of the dread of having to deal with this stuff when my partner is sick. We have been together 22 years. She is sick, and I am worried.

The second thing going on here is progress on my own part. I am many years onto medical and social transition. I am not male in any sense. I identify as female. But, my stubbornness about gender norms has always held me back. I am a feminist first. I am no less female because I don’t submit to all of societies gender rules about being female. The progress, for me personally, is that I can confidently exist in the world as female without trying at all, and without bending to the rules that are to me, tiresome.

My spouse is mostly better now.

8 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jamie Ray
    Sep 13, 2014 @ 18:38:21

    Congratulations on starting this blog, I noticed because your icon changed names.
    Hope that your spouse gets back on her feet, and that you are able to get your finances back in order so that you can proceed.

    My name change cost a lot of money and took a lot of time (days off to file, go to court, get documents notarized, etc.). The filing fees for the papers, copies of the new certificates, the DMV and Passport, were expensive. Fortunately, Social Security was free. Having my own name, priceless.



    • The Final Rinse
      Sep 13, 2014 @ 20:19:56

      You know, I have been commenting on trans related blogs for a couple of years. But I only blog about math. So I decided to finally start a transition related blog.
      I have my surgeons letter framed right here, by my computer. Whenever I am forced to misgender or misname myself, that letter is the thing I picture in my mind, in order to stomach the unpleasantness.



      • Jamie Ray
        Sep 13, 2014 @ 20:23:57

        I looked at your blog and I thought Latex? Is Urban Myth some kind of kinkster? Then I read a little and realized that you were an actuarial nerd as opposed to an actual nerd.


      • The Final Rinse
        Sep 13, 2014 @ 20:29:48

        You can tell the actuarial nerds, because they capitalize it as LaTeX.


  2. janitorqueer
    Oct 06, 2014 @ 15:44:37

    Just realized you’re writing this blog! I am behind! Haha. Last time I checked in on your blog, it was about stuff I didn’t know the first thing about. Look forward to reading your archive ASAP and then staying up to date!!!



  3. Lesboi
    Oct 07, 2014 @ 12:17:55

    I just realized that you’re blogging now too. It’s nice to read your perspectives on life and transitioning. I’m glad the hospital passed the test and your spouse is doing better. I’m in a rural area and have been pleasantly surprised at how well our little local hospital has performed over the years. We’ve never once had a negative experience here and for that I feel fortunate.



    • The Final Rinse
      Oct 07, 2014 @ 21:10:16

      I have never avoided medical care out of fear. I have been surprised to find friends who have avoided doctors for years simply for fear of being judged for being gay, or for being whatever variety of queer. So, I have taken it upon myself to push friendly doctors that I have found in the area. (which should be all of them)
      It is nice to be pleasantly surprised.

      Liked by 1 person


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